Today’s Daily Prompt was entitled ‘Procrastination’ and asked “What have you been putting off doing? Why?”
Procrastination is a huge problem for me at the moment. My depression has robbed me of a great deal of my drive and will to do something. At the same time one of the symptoms of major depression is anhedonia, an inability to experience pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed. An effect of this is that I put off doing things I previously enjoyed, for example I have a bunch of Lego models that I don’t find the time or drive to put together. I think I’m afraid that it won’t be as much fun as it used to be.
Indeed my procrastination is so bad that before I started writing this post I had to make a cup of coffee and have a cigarette. Then I had second thoughts about writing it.
As a result of all this I have a long list of things I am procrastinating over. Some of them are even costing me money, I have a bunch of medical expenses I could claim that are on my list.
Another effect of major depression is a loss of concentration. This means that sometimes when I start a task I can’t keep at it long enough to complete it. These uncompleted tasks are another source, I think the failure and a fear of further failure adds to my procrastination. Sometimes I won’t start a similar task for the same reason, at the moment I am putting off reading any number of good non-fiction books as I haven’t had the concentration to enjoy and finish the last couple I’ve started.
A lack of concentration and a fear of failure have also made me procrastinate over writing for the Daily Prompt for the last couple of weeks. I look at the prompt and can’t quite get myself to start writing and on the few occasions when I start I can’t seem to finish. Of course those failures strengthen the procrastination for the next one.
So there’s a partial list of things I’m procrastinating over, Lego, bureaucratic paperwork, reading non-fiction and writing. I hope you can understand some of what’s driving it.
As short as this post is I think I better get it posted before I start procrastinating over that.